Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Tribute to Word Slingers

A Writer's Journey
I answer the call
From my inner voice.
When the muse tickles my ear,
I have no choice,
But to put pen to paper, fingers to keys.


And so, the journey begins
With eyes so bright.
Innocence abounds
As my imagination takes flight.


The masterpiece takes shape
And my mind reaches for the stars.
I envision interviews with Leno
And my prose read in bars.


The book is complete.
I hold it up with trembling hands.
The only thing left
Is for it to find its way to the fans.


I drop queries in the mail
And hope for the best.
My patience and resolve,
Will soon be put to the test.


Still the fantasy remains.
I will be the next big thing.
My fame will surpass
Anne Rice or even Stephen King.


Days, weeks, and months go by
Without so much as a word.
At last, I receive a letter
Address, written in my hand.
It is addressed to dear author
And they're not buying.


Well, what do they know?
Perhaps an agent is what I need.
I answer an ad in a magazine.
They like my work and for a small fee,
I will be published in no time,
Just you wait and see.


They had the speed,
I will give them that.
I had a dozen rejections,
In no time flat.


Don't let it get you down kid,
You've written a best seller.
We just have to find it a home,
Get it in front of the right feller.


Just send me more money
And we will be on our way.
I have a question or two
Before we proceed.
I've read through your list of publishers,
And I have to say,
You, sir, are a hack, a swindler, and a cheat.
If I had more than P.O. Box
With which to find you,
Your ass, I would beat.


My innocence has been replaced
With apprehension.
My sleep is still filled,
With the first timers dreams.
My words will be read
And hearts will be moved,
Emotions will be stirred.
With a single book,
I could change the world.
Someone, somewhere will read my words
And will be inspired to do great things.


I dream of a series of books,
crossing all genres.
I dream of books on CD
And book signings,
With throngs of people waiting
For a signature or at least a glimpse.
I dream of an adoring public
That falls so hard for my characters,
They become a household name.


All of this and more I dream.
No matter what happens,
I will always have my dreams.
My dreams are not goals,
They are fantasies and as such,
They will never be crushed.


I am a slave to the muse,
A whore for her voice.
I am a man that hears voices.
I argue with myself
And put it on paper.
I am a visionary,
A dreamer,
A fiend for the written word.


I am a writer.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Dar-Wednesday

That’s right, it is time for another installment of The Darwin Awards.




(3 June 2009, North Carolina) Greensboro was innundated with four inches of pouring rain in two hours leading to standing water, and stranding cars on several roads. Rosanne Tippett, 50, was not deterred. She hopped on her moped and drove to a convenience store where she possibly had a beer, according to her mother, before deciding to blunder home through the storm. She phoned home to share her intentions, saying, "My moped has two rubber wheels, Mom, I'll be fine."


North Carolina does not require a license to own a moped.
Ms. Tippett had acquired hers two years previously after a DUI conviction.


The Highway Patrol had blocked off several roads that were inundated with water, including Ms. Tippett's path home. But Ms. Tippett rode right past the officer and the barriers, lost control of her vehicle, and fell into the swollen creek below. The officer retrieved rope from his vehicle and proceeded to haul her from the water.


He then interviewed Ms. Tippett, probably inquiring about her motivation for speeding through a roadblock during a flash flood. The officer began to suspect that she had been drinking. When he briefly returned to his patrol car, Ms. Tippett took the opportunity to confirm his suspicions. She escaped--by jumping back into the creek!


The Highway Patrol officer attempted to rescue her again, but alas, it was too late. The victim's mother speculated that her daughter's motivation for jumping into a flooded creek was to rescue her drowning moped. "She loved that thing."








Monday, November 02, 2009

Weekend Recap

As I’m sure you know, Halloween was last weekend. My son went trick or treating and I handed out candy. Here are a few pictures of our costumes:

My son decided to be Jason Voorhees. I thought he did a wonderful job with his costume. I know he scared me. :D










I on the other hand decided to emulate an 80s rocker. My wife said it was scary because it looked like I could play the part a little too well.




After the trick or treating we had a few friends over and played various games. Of course, given my costume we did spend the majority of the time playing Guitar Hero World Tour. It was a hoot.

So how did you celebrate the holiday?

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