Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


It’s time for another installment of The Darwin Awards.

(20 April 2008, Atlantic Ocean, Brazil) In 1982 Lawn Chair Larry, beloved survivor of a Darwin Award attempt, attached 45 huge helium balloons to his comfortable Sears lawn chair, packed a picnic lunch, and cut the tether. But instead of drifting lazily above the Los Angeles landscape, the combined lift of 45 weather balloons rocketed Larry into LAX air traffic lanes 16,000 feet above sea level. Astoundingly, he survived the "flight."
In homage to Larry's whimsical adventure, a Catholic priest recently ascended towards heaven on a host of helium party balloons. Adelir Antonio de Carli, 41, was attempting to set the world record for clustered balloon flight to publicize his plan to build a spiritual rest stop for truckers.

Spending more than 19 hours in a lawn chair is not a trivial matter, even in the comfort of your own backyard. The priest took numerous safety precautions, including wearing a survival suit, selecting a buoyant chair, and packing a satellite phone and a GPS. However, the late Adelir Antonio made a fatal mistake.
He did not know how to use the GPS.

The winds changed, as winds do, and he was blown inexorably toward open sea. He could have parachuted to safety while over land, but chose not to. When the voyager was perilously lost at sea, he prudently phoned for help. But rescuers were unable to reach him since he could not use his GPS! HE struggled with the control panel as the charge on the satellite phone dwindled.

Instead of a GPS, the priest let God be his guide, and God guided him straight to heaven. Bits of balloons began appearing on mountains and beaches. Ultimately the priest's body surfaced, confirming that he, like Elvis, had left the building.

The kicker? It's a Double Darwin. Catholic priests take vows of celibacy. Since they voluntarily remove themselves from the gene pool, the entire group earns a mass Darwin Award. Adelir Antonio wins twice over!



At 11:39 AM, Blogger lime said...

yeesh. kinda like having a fire extinguisher but not knowing how to use it. why bother.

i did just read about some guy in oregon who cross the state on a lawnchair with giant helium ballons. he got all sorts of funding from business donors too. apparently there more than a few strange people looking to travel this way.

At 11:44 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

Not one of his brightest ideas!

At 5:37 PM, Blogger snowelf said...

I heard the same story that Lime did. I was amazed that the balloons would even lift them up...

I feel so bad for him not being able to use his GPS.


At 4:28 AM, Blogger G-Man said...

Thats just STUPID!!!
I feel half-way normal now!
Great story James...Thanks.

At 7:06 AM, Blogger Mona said...

Strange desires in men... Curiosity sometimes does tend to kill the cat!


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