Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


That’s right, it is time for another installment of The Darwin Awards.

(21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor, well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation.

The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.



At 4:20 AM, Blogger G-Man said...

(Friends and family gathered around Michaels casket)
"What an ass-hole"...

"Which one"?

Love your awards James...

At 4:22 AM, Blogger G-Man said...

They probably say the same thing about me already...hehehehe...But,

At 4:25 AM, Blogger James Goodman, Author said...

lol, he give a whole knew meaning to bottoms up.

And when I first read this, I thought about the punchline to an old joke. Rectum hell, it killed 'em both. :D

At 7:33 AM, Blogger Kelly Kirch said...

Holy Cow but this opens up sooo many questions I'm not sure I want the answers to. Like, didn't he leak? What if someone snubbed a cigarette out near where he was standing? And how awkward would social drinking be for that guy! "Scuze me while I yank my pants down! Bartender. I'll have another round."


At 7:33 AM, Blogger Anny Cook said...

First, what a odd way to get your jollies... thank you for the chuckle. Just when I think there can't possibly be that many idiots out there... You prove me wrong.

At 7:46 AM, Blogger ciara said...

i'm sure he will be the 'butt' of jokes for a long time lol just kidding. but really, it's amazing what stupid things people do.

At 7:46 AM, Blogger James Goodman, Author said...

lol, Kelly. I guess that would depend on the social circles he ran in. :D But yeah... ewwww!

lol, No problem, Anny. I seem to find at least one a week for the Dar-Wednesday post. :D

At 8:15 AM, Blogger James Goodman, Author said...

lol, Ciara. It is at that. :D

At 12:56 PM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

What a bummer! ;)

At 1:21 PM, Blogger Breazy said...

Holy Moses! Alcohol up the hershey highway huh..did I read that right? I often say that people never cease to amaze me "butt" this time I have to go beyond that to a level that is unexplainable. My question would be why would anyone want to stick something up their poop shoot whether it be alcohol or whatever?

Hope you are doing well!

At 3:39 PM, Blogger Donnetta Lee said...

But? But? Oh, shucks, I can't think of anything else to say!

At 4:56 PM, Blogger James Goodman, Author said...

lol, AK.

Indeed, Breazy. How did they even think it up? Were they sitting around the house doing shots and thought, "Hey, I wonder what would happen if I shoved this up my butt?" :D

lol, sometimes there aren't enough words, Donnetta. :D

At 6:57 PM, Blogger lime said...

so this is what happens when you've already been hitting the beer bong too hard and you get "creative "with it huh?

friends also noted, "yeah, michael finds great deals on cheap liquor but it all tastes like shit."

At 7:02 PM, Blogger James Goodman, Author said...

lol, yeat another reason not to be a frequent partaker of the beer bong. :D


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