Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008


Thank you for all of the kind words yesterday. Your support and kindness humbles me. Now, let’s move on to something slightly lighter.
That’s right, it is time for another installment of The Darwin Awards.

(November 2007, Russia) Late at night, Eduard entered the apartment of a 30-year-old handicapped man, who slept peacefully as Eduard quietly cleaned out the valuables. Eduard was preparing to leave when suddenly the man woke up.

"I couldn't believe my eyes! The dark shape of some goon standing next to my nightstand!" recalls the burglary victim. "I cried out, and he attacked me, who was defenseless, with his fists! I had no choice. I hit him between the legs with my crutch! He leapt out the window! Thank God I live on the first floor, and he did not die from the fall. I didn't understand at first what had fallen out of his pants. When I looked closer, I realized that it was a testicle, a man's testicle! I put it in cold water, and rushed to the phone."

The handicapped man dialed the emergency services several times, but "the doctors hung up on me when I told them I had ripped a burglar's balls off!"

Half an hour later, the blood-covered thief was found by a passerby, who called the police. "An unconscious man was lying on the sidewalk," a police investigator disclosed. When the medics revived him, he started screaming hysterically, 'Give me back my balls!'"

Eduard's genitals were so traumatized that doctors had to amputate the entire scrotum to prevent gangrene. In the hospital, Eduard filed a complaint with the police. He said "I will never forgive him!"



At 6:36 AM, Blogger Breazy said...

OUCH!!! Bet that will teach him not to go breaking and entering on helpless elder folks from now on!

Hope you have a good day!

At 6:37 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, at the very least it removed him from the gene pool. :D

At 7:27 AM, Blogger Kelly Kirch said...

Yow. That was seriously backwards. The attacker won't forgive the guy he burgled and the attackee is glad the burglar leapt away safely.

For Pete's sake, taxidermy that thing to a placque and hang it on the front door as a warning to the next idiot who tries it.

At 7:29 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, I like the way you think. :D That thing definately would've become a trophy. :D

At 7:54 AM, Blogger jillie said...

OH MAN! I don't even have balls and I'm cringing!

LOL...good story there hahahahahahaha!

At 7:55 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, Jillie. So, you can imagine the effect the story had on me. :D

At 8:27 AM, Blogger lime said...

i am clenching my thighs. but all i can say is rock on to the disabled guy!..bronze those babies and use em as door knockers.

At 8:31 AM, Blogger ciara said...

YIKES! is all i have to say lol

At 9:02 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, Lime. That's the part that I think makes this story inspirational. :D

lol, Ciara. I think that says it all. :D

At 1:29 PM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

I bet that made his eyes water! :(

At 3:08 PM, Blogger Donnetta Lee said...

That must have been SOME walking stick! Talk about packing a wallop! So his voice now a few octaves higher?

(Sorry to hear about your friend. Will send good thoughts out to the universe for him.)


At 4:43 PM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

Heck, it made my eyes water just reading about it, Akelamalu, lol. :D

walk tall and carry a big stick, Donnetta. :D And thank you for the kind words.


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