Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Mutha Nature!

It’s official… I’m sick of this weather. No, not literally, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before my body follows my mind. Nearly everyone I know has come down with the flu or some other nasty bug. I’m sure these crazy weather patterns we’re having played their part. It snowed here on Monday, climbed to the high forties on Tuesday, reached 60 yesterday and…it’s going to snow again tonight. WTF????? That’s pretty much been the story for most of the winter.

I need something to cheer me up. How about you? Oh, I know! Let’s have a joke. They say laughter is the best medicine.

Here’s my contribution:

Drug Used to Seduce Men
Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs:

Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a drug called "beer" that is essentially in liquid form.
The most effective varieties are being shipped in from other countries. "Beer" is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them.

The shocking statistic is that this "beer" is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. Please! Forward this to every man you know... There is safety in numbers...

So, what’s yours? Come on, brighten my day, make me laugh (or at least groan).

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15 Comments:

At 6:14 AM, Blogger Robin said...

Finally, someone to help the vulnerable men out there!

I've honored your request for more jokes. Stop by!

xo,

Robin

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, yep...someone has to look out for our virtue. :D

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger lime said...

i'm going for the groan since i can't think of anything truly funny right now.

as we know, mahatma (great soul)gandhi was a great man who worked tirelessly to improve the lives of indians. as such he often walked long distances,barefooted, to build a sense of solidarity with the down trodden. this resulted in thick layers of skin on his feet. Additionally he engaged in many hunger strikes, which left him weakened and with some rather nasty bad breath at times.

so i guess it is fair to say he was a super-calloused, fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

ba-dum-bum

 
At 8:53 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, groan indeed, Lime. It still worked...I got a chuckle. :D Much obliged.

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Kelly Kirch said...

See. I got just about nuthin for ya, James. My kids told one. Keep in mind they go to a Christian school.

A kid, tranferred to a new school, started improving dramatically in Math. Where before he failed, now he excelled. His mother was stunned at the change and asked the boy what had happened to change his grades. The boy replied, "Well, the very first day of school I saw a man nailed to a huge plus sign. After that, I KNEW they meant business."

C'mon. That's a little bit funny, right?

I do have a funny guy-like excerpt on my blog today. www.kkirch.blogspot.com which I think you'd appreciate.

 
At 10:23 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, that was pretty darned funny, Kelly. :D I'll head over and check out your blog.

 
At 10:27 AM, Blogger Kelly Kirch said...

Thanks sweetie. I'd like to send you some warmer weather but we're getting what you're getting. Rain, snow, more rain, sleet with snow, melt, snnnnoooooow. I think Indiana needs to get over winter already.

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

I hear you. I'd like to say we should be in the free and clear within a week or two, but I think the biggest snow since I've lived here has come in early April! It's a crazy world, lol. It seems like I was wearing shorts by this time last year...

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger Kelly Kirch said...

I don't do shorts. :) I spend ten years in Minnesota and went back for a family reunion in Tulsa middle of summer. I put shorts on for the croquette game and EVERYONE kept asking me why I would wear white tights in that heat. Sigh. I'm a pasty gal. I either burn or freckle. It's not pretty. I could blind you with the glare of my shins.

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, my wife, bless her heart, is the same way. I think we own stock in the sunblock company. She loves to be outdoors, but can only burn. She goes from white to pinkish (if we're lucky enough to prevent burning). :D

Do you get to Tulsa often?

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger jillie said...

I know the pain of BAD weather. I grew up in WI and spent 32 long years there and that's why I've been out here in So. Cal. for 15. I talk to my family daily and listen to them grunt and groan. But do they EVER come out here when the weather is bad? NO....lol

Thanks for stopping by and hope to see you around again ;o)

Yes, it's a sad day for all of us Brett fans. My condolences to your son....oh hum....

;o)

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

Oh, I miss SOCAL. I lived in Long Beach (Near the Queen Mary, not the nicest part of town at the time) and La Mirada when I was fifteen. I moved around a lot lol, but I managed about a month and a half at each of them before we moved on to the next search for greener grass.

I'll definately pass on the condolences. :D

 
At 8:54 PM, Blogger Breazy said...

I am over the weather here as well. Monday we hit 72 as a high and since then it has been steadily going down. We are expecting rain tomorrow that will turn to snow by the end of the night.

As for a laugh I will give it a go...

Beware of tree huggers

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You've gotta be kiddin' me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?" He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake..."

Have a wonderful weekend!

 
At 3:47 AM, Blogger Bernita said...

Not a true joke but one of those wacky one liners:
"I tried snorting coke once - but the ice cubes stuck in my nose."

Storm predicted here too, James.

 
At 4:49 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

ouch!!!! Breazy, lol. Definately not his day. :D

lol, Bernita! That's good stuff, thanks for sharing. :D

It looks like most of the white stuff went south of us, which is odd, it's normally the other way around. Either way, I'm just happy not to be iced in again.

 

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