Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


It’s time for another installment of The Darwin Awards.

(August 2006, Libreville, Gabon) In August, a congregation's 35-year old pastor insisted one could literally walk on water, if one only had enough faith. Big and bold was his speech. He extolled the heavenly power possessed by a faithful man with such force that he may well have convinced himself. Whether or not he believed in his heart, his sermons left room for only shame should he leave his own faith untested. Thus, the pastor set out to walk across a major estuary, the path of a 20-minute ferry ride. But the man could not swim.

Lacking the miraculous powers of David Copperfield, let alone holy Jesus Christ, this ill-fated cleric found only a Darwin Award at the end of his final path.

His flock rushed to his aide, but he swore them off citing, “My Lord will save me!”

Which reminds me of a joke…

There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man.
He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet.
A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, "It's alright! The Lord will save me!"

So the helicopter flew away. The water continued to rise and a boat came to him but, once again, the man shouted, "No! Go AWAY! the Lord will come and save me!" and, once again, the boat sped off.
The water was getting dangerously deep by now so the helicopter came back and, on cue, the man repeated, "I don't need saving! My Lord will come"

Reluctantly, the helicopter left.
The rain continued to pour, the water continued to rise and the man drowned.

At the gates of heaven, the man met St. Peter. Confused, he asked, "Peter, I have lived the life of a faithful man - why did my Lord not rescue me?"
St. Peter replied, "For goodness sake, he sent you two helicopters and a boat! What the hell else did you want?"



At 10:16 AM, Blogger lime said...

ya know i remember reading that story when it happened and thinking, 'yeah, that's the kind of guy i want representing my faith.' sheesh, what a dope.

love the joke too ;)

At 8:24 PM, Blogger Breazy said...

I have heard preaching about Peter walking on water all my life, taught on it a couple of Sundays ago in my teens Sunday School class as a matter of fact, but I have never tried it.

It is preachers like this one that make the good ones look bad.

At 4:10 AM, Blogger James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

Oh yeah, Lime. Guys like this are one moral choice away from being another David Koresh...

Exactly, Breazy. The good take one step forward for their faith and this guy pulls them back and to their knees...


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