Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Dar-Wednesday

It’s time for another installment of The Darwin Awards. Before I begin, I would like to give a special thanks to Sandra for nominating this week’s winner.

(7 August 2006, Owasso Oklahoma) A pseudo-smartass, named James Goodman has spent the better part of two years ridiculing nimrods whose deaths were brought about by sheer stupidity. On a sunny day in August (the poor sap’s wedding anniversary no less), karma planted a size thirteen to his backside. Fate, it seems, isn’t so much a cruel mistress as a bitch with a horrible sense of humor.

As anyone with a pool or a hot tub can attest, one must submit to a time honored ritual of applying chemicals to the water in hopes of keeping it sanitary. Sadly, James didn’t read the warning labels on the back of these chemicals which clearly states they should be stored in a cool dry place. No, he stored them in a cabinet next to the hot tub. Dry, maybe, cool…I think not. It hasn’t been under 100 degrees F in over a week.

James, who was no doubt in a hurry to get back to spending time with his wife on their anniversary, grabbed the bottle of Shock from the tiny cabinet. In a nearly synchronized movement, he brought the bottle to his chest, looked down and turned the cap. This in itself should have been no big deal; after all, he’d done it that way every time since the purchase of the hot tub. Sadly, the extreme heat had caused a buildup of chlorine gas in the bottle which escaped in a rush with the cap was opened.

The fumes instantly took his breath and replaced it with a burning sensation in his nose and throat. When his breath finally began to return, it was in the form of “Oh, my god my head’s gonna explode” coughing. By this point, the lack of oxygen had him staggering, not to mention the inexplicable amounts of saliva and mucus that were being generated and slung far and wide by the thunderous coughing.

He managed to convey what had happened to his wife (who is a chemist by the way and immediately explained that one should never open a bottle of chemicals near their face) what had happened and they were off to the Emergency Room.

After a hit of oxygen and a rather intense breathing treatment, he had regained enough of his senses to really feel sheepish. He was warned that he may not be completely out of the woods (it is quite common for bronchitis or pneumonia to set in as a result of this kind of inhalation) and released to the custody of his much smarter wife. He is no longer allowed to be in charge of the upkeep of the hot tub.

22 Comments:

At 5:15 AM, Blogger lime said...

lordy, james. you've got a great sense of humor about it and for that i applaud you....dammit...i still can't do that without all manner of painful shockwaves up my arm (remnants of my own darwin-esque move after forgetting i possess greater body mass and less upper body stregnth than the average 10 yr old boy).

i'm glad you've got a smart wife. sorry it happened on your anniversary (i know you'd rather have been gasping for breath due to more romantic activities than the 10 meter mucous fling). I'm certainly glad you didn't complete the darwin cycle.

breathe easy and keep cool, i see that heat wave is continuing.

 
At 6:05 AM, Blogger Breazy said...

WOW ! I am glad you are okay ! It is good that you can laugh about it now . You beware of the chemicals dude they are dangerous . Happy Hump Day !

 
At 8:29 AM, Blogger Sandra Ruttan said...

I am glad you're okay, and also that you were willing to share it all by poking some fun at yourself! This is a Darwin Award entry to remember!

 
At 8:57 AM, Blogger Carrie said...

Great Darwin story. I am glad you are okay. I think we all have our own Darwin story. I was taken to the ER when I was 9 for putting the slip and slide on a concrete slab. Go figure! But thank goodness you had your wife there to take care of you.

 
At 9:47 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Lime, your reason for gasping definately sounds more enjoyable.

Lol, Breazy I'll be more careful from now on I can assure you of that.

Sandra, I just hope it's the last time I have to write one about myself.

lol, on the slip and slide, Carrie. I trust the injuries weren't too horrendous. Perhaps a concussion?

I agree most of us have had at least one Darwin moment in our lives and it is almost enough to make me stop making fun of the poor saps that die from their stupidity...almost.

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger lime said...

lol@ 'almost'

as for band names....i think your...ahem....submission is much better than my proposal of 'exit 69' well done!

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

lol, it does er, ...flow a bit better. :D

 
At 12:50 PM, Blogger M.E Ellis said...

Oh my goodness! That would have scared me silly!

:O)

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

I won't lie...I thought I may have bit it right then and there. :D

 
At 6:22 PM, Blogger Dana Y. T. Lin said...

Oh, my. You poor guy - but hey, you got out of hot tub duty!

But, er, aren't you suppose to *die* in order to receive a Dar-win? achem....

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

That's true, but I decided to be a bit liberal with the rules for this one instance. :D

 
At 4:27 AM, Blogger David Niall Wilson said...

Okay...I'm going to hell. I almost spit coffee reading that (lol) I'm glad you're okay, James. We've had some near run-ins with the same stuff here...we just don't HAVE a cool place to store the stuff ... but this adds caution to our normally clueless natures..

Stay in touch, by the way...I'm not sure I have your e-mail since my computer crashed...new operating system. Lost no writing, but lost my operating system and my e-mail went with it...

David

 
At 5:11 AM, Blogger Leslie said...

Geez! Glad you're gonna make it, but it sucks you got respiratory gunk. Hope you're breathing better and don't get any further illnesses from the incident.

 
At 5:20 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Dave, be afraid...be very afraid, lol. I'll shoot you an email this morning to make sure you still have the addy.

Thanks cuz, I have high hopes of avoiding any additional illnesses, but only time will tell.

 
At 5:38 PM, Blogger Ballpoint Wren said...

Gad! Chlorine can KILL you! I thought for sure you burned out your lungs or something. (Maybe just all the hairs in your nose, hunh?) Do you have any of your mustache left?

Heh!

 
At 5:42 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Mustache and goatee are still intact. :D Defintely had enough burning sensation to consider the possibility of nose hair removal as part of the mishap.

 
At 8:54 AM, Blogger snavy said...

I'm just going to pretend I didn't read that.

Seriously, I hope you're ok. Be careful and take care.

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

lol, thanks, Snavy. and welcome back! :D

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger Southern Writer said...

Glad you're all better. When's the pool party?

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Thanks, sw. I'm thinking around Sep 15th? :D

 
At 12:52 PM, Blogger esusetain said...

We actors don't get a lot of poolandspachemicals till we get "really" famous - but we live and breathe our poolandspachemicals regardless. poolandspachemicals
Isobella
http://www.onlinepoolchemicals.co.uk

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger aidin said...

Interesting blog about Vita Spas, keep up the good work Vita Spas

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Unclaimed Money Search - It is estimated that 9 out of 10 people are owed unclaimed government money and don't even know it! Find out how much you're owed with our free trial search.