Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


It’s time for another installment of The Darwin Awards.

"Fish-Impersonation Deaths On the Rise in Melbourne"

(29 November 1995, Australia) The badly decomposed remains of Neil of Melbourne were discovered in a paddock near Toolondo Reservoir Neil's death was shrouded in mystery, tragedy, and a fish suit.

Local law enforcement officials said the 49-year-old man was wearing a "heavy green plastic bodysuit," constructed from old waterbed material. The suit, from which one could only be extricated painstakingly after unfastening a full-length zipper along the spine, constricted his legs into one mermaid-esque tail. The only openings, aside from the zipper, were two eyeholes.

Neil's garb, enclosing his entire body like a maritime mummy costume, restricted his breathing as well as his movement. He was discovered in this attire, which the Melbourne Fish Costume Bureau stresses was "not approved," less than a kilometer from Toolondo Lake. He apparently had attempted to swim home.

A second yellow-colored suit was found in his garage.
The psychological motivation for Neil's fatal excursion remains unclear. Police have learned that he was taking medications for epilepsy and diabetes at the time, and speculate that his behavior may have had a chemical basis, but locals have their own theories about the aquatic abberation.

"He wanted to be a fish," disclosed one unnamed resident, recalling incidents in which Wilson would swing from a rope while wearing the suit at the lake. Other comments from the Australian community included "bollocks" and "criminey."

Wilson's death brings the Melbourne fish impersonation fatality toll to one, up infinity percent from zero in the previous year.


At 6:25 AM, Blogger lime said...

file this one under the most bizarre darwin-esque way to go out! evidence that this guy's brain never quite evolved past the fish stage even if his body did.

At 6:27 AM, Blogger lime said...

ok, another question also comes to mind. i can't imagine this guy being able to zip the suit himself once he was in it, and fish can't drive too well. what lunatic drove this guy to the resevoir and zipped him into the suit and then didn't report him missing?

At 7:36 AM, Blogger Breazy said...

OMG! He should have been taking meds for stupidity ! hehe! Thanks for the laughs!

At 11:24 AM, Blogger Sandra Ruttan said...

Can you imagine seeing some guy try to swim in that thing? OMG, TOO FUNNY!

At 12:48 PM, Blogger snavy said...

LOL - Tears running down my face I'm laughing so hard!!!!

But, wouldn't swinging from a rope while wearing the suit at the lake mean he wanted to be a caught fish??

At 2:31 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Lime, I thought the same thing...he had a silent accomplice.

Breazy, the drug companies would make millions...if the stupid people knew enough to take the meds.

Sandra, the image did put a big ol' smile on my face.

Snavy, you may be right or he may have wanted to attract a bigger fish... :D

At 4:36 PM, Blogger lime said...

i t must be evidence of my pathetic-ness but this nut was on my mind all day. more thoughts. would it have been illegal to get this guy drunk in oklahoma?

At 7:24 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Yes, i believe that would constitute a misdemeanor. :D

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