Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


It’s time for another installment of The Darwin Awards. Do you want fries with that?

The felonious antics of two fast-food managers ended tragically when their robbery cover-up scheme went up in smoke. Lisa, 22 year-old night manager of Burger King, conspired with the 34-year-old day manager to heist over $4000 from the restaurant.
They staged an elaborate fake robbery/arson, in which Lisa acted the part of the victim bound with duct tape and trapped in the walk-in cooler, while her co-conspirator started a small fire and walked off with a duffel bag of cash. A key part of their plan was a quick "rescue" of Lisa by the local fire department.
Unfortunately the wastebasket fire went unnoticed until the morning shift arrived to find a slow-burning smolder that had never erupted into the desired blaze. The air from the open door caused the smolder to burst into flames, and firefighters were summoned. They found Lisa in the freezer, chilled and semi-conscious, and rushed her to a hospital where she died from hypothermia.
When police nabbed her bungling 34-year-old accomplice with the cash stashed in a Burger King bag, she tearfully confessed the details of the crime, implicating Lisa in her own death. Her account was verified by the fact that Lisa's body showed no signs of forced restraint, the duct tape was loose, and she could have easily freed herself from her bindings and escaped from the unlocked refrigerator.


At 7:53 AM, Blogger lime said...

do you ever wonder what these people could have done with their creativity if they had possessed just a few more brains cells?

the last sentence is just awe-inspiring in it's stupidity. how dumb to you have to be not to have self-preservation kick in??

At 8:46 AM, Blogger Sandra Ruttan said...

You know, if it wasn't for the waste of time for the fire fighters and aggravation to Burger King, I think they did us a favour by taking themselves out of the gene pool and into prison population and the great ice cube tray in the sky.

Never ask how dumb someone can be...

At 9:17 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Lime, yes...if only they learned to use their ingenuity for good. lol.

Sandra, yes that is one of my favorite aspects of (most) of these Darwin award winners, once they make the list we don't have to worry about them influencing the gene pool. :D

At 9:55 AM, Blogger Breazy said...

What are these idiots smoking when they come up with these hairbrained ideas? My god ! It is really sad that there are people out there who would have considered the above mentioned plan a brilliant , fool proof plan . However , turns out the only fool about it was the two commiting the crime ! "she could have easily freed herself" -- was this girl blonde ? hehe Thanks for the laugh !

At 10:16 AM, Blogger mg said...

I've come to realize that I need to make sure that I'm not actively drinking anything when I read your blog.



At 1:33 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Lol, Breazy...I suppose it's possible that she was.

MG, sorry if I ruined your keyboard. :D

At 8:28 AM, Blogger Dana Y. T. Lin said...

I agree with Sandra. On another note, I love these Darwin awards, fodder for the writing mind!

At 10:44 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Indeed they are, Dana.

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