Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

On Memories and Dreams...

I see your lips moving, but I hear seagulls. Isn’t it bizarre some of the thoughts that flit through the mind when one has taken ill? I seem to be over the worst of it now. In fact, this morning is looking pretty promising. One good thing has come of all of all this (yes, I am an incurable optimist), I have several ideas to play around with in regards to my next writing project. Fevered dreams can be so vivid that you can’t help but to tuck them away alongside real life experiences. Imagination (at least, in my case) can only take you so far; the rest must be drawn from experience.

I write horror and dark fantasy. Does that mean that my life has been horrific? Up until about five years ago, my life was…a rollercoaster ride of the bizarre and wonderful events, but I don’t know if I would go so far as to call it horrific. I have experienced and witnessed the rise and fall of the human mind. I have seen human nature at its darkest and at its finest. I have known death and suffering, but even in the darkest of times I have seen acts of compassion that were so genuine yet out of place that it hurled me into private tears that welled over whenever I could snatch tiny moments of solitude.

Now that I have found balance in my life, that world seems no more than a dream to me or perhaps just the remnants of a really good story. My wife often asks me how I came to be so caring. I will go out of my way to right a wrong, whether it directly involves me or not.

“Are you vying for sainthood?”, she asks me playfully.
“No, I just have a lot to make up for.”

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t necessarily my own deeds that drive me, but rather my lack of intervention. Missed opportunities and wrong choices plagued my youth and truth be told, most of my twenties. Whether directly by my actions or lack there of, there existed pain, suffering and mental scars that could have, no should have been avoided.

I may never be able to right the transgressions of my youth, but now the memories and the dreams fuse and become fodder for my writing. It is when I write them to page, that I have an opportunity to make things as they should have been.

Whether it is a silent release or exercising my demons, my writing is my salvation. I can create a world of bad intentions, revealing each for what they are and correcting them one by one.

Ah, looking back over these ramblings, perhaps I am still in the grips of a fevered mind. Let’s dismiss them as that, but oddly enough my shoulders feel a little lighter now.

Have a great weekend.


At 10:05 AM, Blogger lime said...

glad you are feeling like the worst is past. whether it is remnanats of fever or whatever that inspired this post doesn't matter. it's intriguing to get a glimpse of what motivates you to write. thanks for sharing:)

At 10:16 AM, Blogger M. G. Tarquini said...

my shoulders feel a little lighter now.

Still haven't put your shirt back on?

Glad to here the worse is past and you got story ideas. I get my best ideas while under nitrous at the dentist's office. Go figure.

At 12:03 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Your welcome, Lime. I think the fever may well be gone.

Lol, MG I did indeed put my shirt back on and a robe and a blanket and then I shucked them again, fever is a funny thing.

Inspiration comes in the strangest forms, no?

At 2:25 PM, Anonymous Jerry said...

I think I've taken too much NyQuil to have any good dreams. Glad you're getting some good inpiration during your down time.


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