Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Darwins

Are any of you familiar with the Darwin Awards? They are absolutely wonderful examples of humanity at its finest. Sadly, the stories you will find there are all true. They do have an urban legends section, just in case that sort of thing strikes you fancy, but rest assured everything else actually happened. Here is a little taste of the idiocy you will find there.

(19 March 2005, Michigan) "Unusual" and "complicated" is how the Missaukee County sheriff described the mysterious death of 19-year-old Christopher, who called 911 at 1:22am and calmly informed the police dispatcher that his neighbor had stabbed him. Suddenly he began screaming and begging for help. A woman was heard shouting in the background, "Why did you do this?" Deputies arrived quickly, only to find that Christopher had bled to death from stab wounds to his chest.
After an evening spent imbibing large quantities of alcohol, Christopher noticed a shortage in his liquor supply that could not be attributed to his own depredations. He concluded that his neighbor had stolen a bottle of booze! He menaced said neighbor with a knife, to no avail, whereupon he retired to his own apartment to brood about revenge.
Finally he figured out the perfect way to get back at that conniving bottle-thief: he would stab himself and blame the neighbor!
A witness saw Christopher enter the bathroom while he called police. When he emerged from the bathroom, he looked perfectly fine, but a moment later he began screaming as gouts of blood spewed from his chest. He ran to the door of the apartment, and collapsed.
The evidence pointed to self-inflicted wounds. Deputies found the knife that killed him in the kitchen, and an autopsy concluded that he had stabbed himself in the chest twice. The first wound may not have looked dangerous enough to him, so he took the knife and tried again, this time plunging it into his left ventricle. This wound was plenty dangerous: he had only two minutes to live.
Christopher died in vain. His deathbed accusation fell on deaf ears, as a witness stated that the neighbor was not in the apartment, and the neighbor offered to take a lie-detector test to demonstrate his innocence. All Christopher got for revenge was an accidental death sentence.

12 Comments:

At 5:53 AM, Blogger lime said...

the darwin awards NEVER cease to amaze me! unreal!

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Being a big fan of weird news, I thought you might enjoy these. :)

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger lime said...

lol, goody. i am indeed. i also have purchaased the books for my dad. it strengthens his faith in mankind so much!

 
At 12:36 PM, Blogger Breazy said...

I love weird news as well . Our local country radio stations morning show does Weirdo Wednesday News every Wednesday morning . I love it and we hear some of the craziest stuff on there.

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Right on! Maybe, I could start supplementing Lime's weird news with a darwendsday or something. Just a thought...

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Wow, you think I would know how to spell better being a writer and all. What I meant to say was Darwednesday. :)

 
At 6:39 PM, Blogger bsoholic said...

I was under the impression that the Darwin Awards weren't always true, according to Snopes. Who knows though, people are certainly dumb enough to do the things that are reported.

 
At 6:41 PM, Blogger bsoholic said...

crap, screwed the link up... here it is... Snopes

 
At 7:34 PM, Blogger Jenn said...

Whoah! Crazy story. I've heard of the Darwin Awards, but that's it. Just heard the name/title mentioned before.

Thanks for the link, Goody. Just another reason to neglect life for the internet!

 
At 5:02 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

So, BS...what you are saying is that they are...BS? :)

No problem, Jenn. Glad you stopped by.

 
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