Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Literary Humor (ish)

Charles Dickens: Please, sir, I'd like a martini.
Bartender: Sure thing. Olive or twist?

James Joyce: I'll take a Guinness.
Bartender: So Charles Dickens was in here yesterday.
James Joyce: (drinks)
Bartender: And he asked for a martini and I said, "Olive or twist?"
James Joyce: (drinks)
Bartender: You see, it's funny because he wrote a book called "Oliver Twist."
James Joyce: What a shitty joke.

Ernest Hemingway: Gin.
Bartender: So Charles Dickens was in here two days ago.
Ernest Hemingway: Joyce already told me that story. Fuck off.

Franz Kafka: I'd like a mineral water.
Bartender: Olive or twist?
Franz Kafka: I can't digest solid food.

Mark Twain: Give me a brandy.
Bartender: So Charles Dickens came in the other day and ordered a martini.
Mark Twain: Did he take an olive or twist? Ha ha ha!
Bartender: (tearful) You did that on purpose, didn't you?

Virginia Woolf: I'll take your second-best cognac and unadulterated experience.
Bartender: We don't have that. This is a bar.
Virginia Woolf: Patriarchy! (drowns)

7 Comments:

At 5:55 AM, Blogger Leslie said...

Oh...My...Gawd! Corniness at its best! Only from you, Cousin.

 
At 6:04 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Well, me and who ever emailed this to me, :)

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger lime said...

ok, revealing my really sad love of this sort of humor. i thought that was a riot!

 
At 10:40 AM, Blogger snavy said...

Combine my sense of humor with the fact that I have a degree in English and you get me LMAO!!!

Mark Twain Rules!!! ;p

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

I'm glad you both liked them. I got a kick out of them as well.

 
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At 5:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read » » »

 

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