Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Things you don't want to see on your employee evaluation

1. Works well only when under constant supervision and
cornered like a rat in a trap

2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of
morbid curiosity.

3. I would not allow this employee to breed.

4. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but
more of a definite won't be.

5. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig.

6. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to
change whichever foot was previously in there.

7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

8. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

9. She sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them.

10. This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts
the better.

11. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an

12. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

13. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't

14. A room temperature IQ.

15. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold
it all together.

16. A gross ignoramus-144 times worse than an ordinary

17. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

18. A prime candidate for natural deselection.

19. Bright as Alaska in December.

20. One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.

21. Donated his brain to science before he was done using

22. Fell out of the family tree.

23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train
is going nowhere.

24. Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out
looking for it.

25. He is so dense, light bends around him.

26. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

27. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered
twice a week.

28. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get

29. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the

30. It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other

31. One neuron short of a synapse.

32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only

33. Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch the 60 minutes program.

34. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

35. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.


At 8:29 AM, Blogger Breazy said...

so what you are saying is:
His cornbread ain't done in the middle.
He is a few bricks shy of a load.
He is a few fries short of a happy meal.
His elevator doesn't reach the top.

LMAO! Awesome post ! I really needed a good laugh and let me tell , I really got one here today ! :)

At 9:58 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Thanks, Breazy. Nice additions, by the way...

At 11:09 AM, Blogger Breazy said...

Thank you Goody ! Actually I could go on and on all day on this subject!:)

At 11:19 AM, Blogger bsoholic said...

ROFLMAO!!! No. 17 & 25 my two favorites!

At 11:48 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Breazy, as could I...

BS, I have been searching all day around the office. I have been looking for one of the many candidates that might have light bending around them.

At 3:38 PM, Blogger Robin said...

These are hilarious!

#35 is going to give me nightmares, though. LOL.

At 3:47 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Yeah, that one is a little twisted, Robin

At 4:57 PM, Blogger snavy said...

LMAO!!! That was awesome!! Thanks for the laughs!!

At 5:05 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

No problem, Snavy!

At 6:41 PM, Blogger Breazy said...

Btw.. I meant to tell you that I was sending some friends over to your blog . I left a huge , irresistable message on the tag board at 5th Circle ! :)

At 6:51 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Hey, I appreciate that. The more the merrier! :)

At 1:37 AM, Blogger Jenn said...

HAHAHA! I work with all of them. And there's only ten of them.

At 4:49 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Lol! I think everybody works with at least one of these, but ten of them?

By the way did I mention that I really like your new picture?

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