Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Is that a fin in the water?

You see one of the perils of posting your poems, stories, etc. online is that you occasionally pickup the odd con. Now, wait that isn’t entirely fair, poetry.com will publish my poetry in an anthology and it will be read (by other suckers…er, I mean poets that have purchased a copy because their poem was “selected” as well). Of course, I didn’t realize that they think I am Poet of the Year material. Oh, and as you will read below, they are going to give me a bowl for my accomplishments. Well, I had an entire post dedicated to vanity presses disguised as contests, but I decided it might be more fun to let you read the actual email and open up the floor to discussion. Maybe I am being overly skeptical and this is a fully legit opportunity that I am about to pass on, but I seriously doubt it.


Ladies and gentlemen, and fellow poets . . . It's now time to declare the winner of the largest cash prize ever awarded to an amateur poet . . . Our Poet of the Year for 2005 . . . and Grand Prize winner of $20,000 is . . .

James Goodman!

We're familiar with your work, James, and you know . . .
it could happen just that way!

Dear James,
I would like to inform you of your nomination as Poet of the Year for 2005, and to personally invite you to read your poetry at the single largest gathering of poets in history, where you will be formally inducted as an International Poet of Merit and Honored Member of our Society for 2005-2006.
Your induction will take place Friday evening, August 19th, at the Washington Hilton Hotel in Washington, DC, during the International Society of Poets Summer 2005 Convention and Symposium.

You will also be honored with two separate and very special awards for your poetic achievement at special ceremonies throughout the weekend.

First, to honor and commemorate your poetic accomplishments, after you present your poetry in front of fellow poets from around the world, amidst the applause from the audience, you will be presented with your Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Silver Award Bowl. The Award is a magnificent work of art in itself ($200.00 value), uniquely engraved and mounted on a cherry-wood base (see it here). This impressive award is so large and heavy, you may need an extra suitcase just to carry it home!

And James . . . there's much more . . .
In recognition of your poetry presentation at this prestigious International Symposium, we will also create and present to you a beautiful and colorful Commemorative Award Medallion to honor your poetic dedication and achievements.


And don't forget the most lucrative amateur poetry contest ever! Your contest entry poem can be written in any style, on any subject . . . and can be up to 40 lines long.
Just think . . . for this poem alone, you will have the opportunity to win one of 36 cash and gift prizes to be awarded at the Symposium . . . including a Grand Prize of $20,000.00--the largest cash prize ever awarded in an amateur poetry competition. There's also a Second Prize of $5,000.00, two Third Prizes of all-expenses paid vacations for two, including a Caribbean cruise and a trip to Cancun, Mexico, a Fourth Prize of $1,000.00, and six other cash prizes of $500.00 each. World-renowned Pulitzer Prize-winning poet, W.D.Snodgrass, and Academy of American Poets Past Chancellor, David Wagoner, will be with us to congratulate poets and present the Grand Prize.

Your society is also encouraging today's youth to develop and utilize their poetic talents in a positive manner. This year we will award five $1,000.00 cash scholarships to talented young poets attending the Symposium.

Our editors and professors will also be searching for new poetic talent. Twenty poets will be "discovered" in the contest reading sessions. These winners will be awarded publishing or recording contracts that will generate international exposure for their poetic artistry.

In all, $74,000.00 in cash and prizes will be awarded at this single event!


And that's still just the beginning . . . we've got three very special days planned for you . . . ones you'll never forget!

**You will be officially inducted as an honorary "International Poet of Merit" for 2005-2006.

**You and your poetic achievements will be honored at two Gala Banquets and Award Ceremonies.

**You will be thrilled by a special command performance by Grammy winner Tony Orlando.

**You will enjoy dazzling world class entertainment created especially for you featuring Rock and Roll Hall of Fame members the Drifters. You will be up close and personal when the Drifters thrill us with their classic hits including "Under the Boardwalk" and "Up On the Roof". These special command performances will delight you. There will also be many other Las Vegas Headliners and Midnight Dance Parties on both Friday and Saturday nights!

**You will learn more about your craft in seminars, reading rooms, rap sessions, and workshops, where you can read and discuss your poetry in informal settings with other poets from all over the world. Back by popular demand are the ISP rap rooms, our famous sunrise poetry readings, the ISP Coffee House, the ISP Open Microphone Rooms, and workshops on how to fine-tune your poetic talents.

**You will have the rare opportunity to get up-close and personal with Pulitzer Prize-winning poet W. D. Snodgrass, Academy of American Poets Past Chancellor David Wagoner, Dr. Len Roberts, Dr. Herbert Woodward Martin, and other poetry celebrities who will be in attendance.

**You will attend a VIP reception where you can take pictures, get autographs, and personally meet all of the celebrity poets in attendance.

**You will participate in a fantastic international poetry competition featuring 36 prizes totaling $74,000.00. A Grand Prize of $20,000.00, two all-expenses paid vacations for two, including a Caribbean cruise and a trip to Cancun, Mexico, 8 other cash prizes totaling $9,000.00, 10 poetry recording contracts, 10 book publishing contracts, and 5 $1,000.00 Young Poets Scholarship prizes will be awarded at this single event.

**You and your guests will also be eligible to win one of many door prizes, valued at over $6,000.00.

**You will make friendships that will last a lifetime and will return home with wonderful memories, your Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Silver Award Bowl, your Commemorative Award Medallion, and lots of other special gifts.


Don't miss this opportunity. Space is limited, and our Conventions routinely sell out. Plan to join your fellow poets at the Washington Hilton Hotel in Washington, DC, August 19-21, 2005, for the poetic event of the year! I am also looking forward to meeting you and celebrating the power and beauty of poets and poetry!

Mr. X
International Society of Poets
Convention Chairperson
Click here for more information.
Click here to Register Now, or go to
poetry.com * One Poetry Plaza * Owings Mills, MD 21117


At 2:07 PM, Blogger Leslie said...

WOW! As your agent I'll take my 75% now. Cash only; no checks or credit cards. You know where I live.

(And I know where you live too, if you don't pay up.)

At 3:40 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

lol, that's all well and good, but I am pretty sure that it is a scam so you would be getting 75% of nada.

Would you like that all at once or in installments? :)

At 7:35 PM, Blogger Leslie said...

I'll take that in only 10 easy payments of just $999.99

And if tyou act now, I'll throw in a used cutlery set for FREE! That's right, FREE!

At 5:00 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

lol, and for my next trick...

At 1:28 PM, Blogger JohnH985 said...

Wonder when they ask for a small contribution to pay for the expenses of the seminar.

At 1:38 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

I would be surprised if it were small by my standards. Either way, I will never know, I don't plan on returning their email.

At 8:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Y'know, I bet the big prizes in that contest will be won by folks who are, for example, close friends or family members of the owners of poetry.com

At 4:39 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Ah, yes, the coveted silver bowl goes to...Uncle Bob. Give it up for Uncle Bob everyone.

At 2:22 AM, Anonymous Taya said...

lol i got that email too, exactly the same.

There was a charge of i think something around $500 just for attending...can anyone say SCAM?

I can :)

I also passed up the opportunity..and all the others they emailed me, including Poetry Pens, Books, Magazines, Plaques etc.

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At 3:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude this is way after the fact but poetry.com is the biggest day light scam ever dont be sucked in,if you feel the need as do i, spread the word they must be taken down!!!

At 7:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here is my next poem that I submitted to poetry.com and their "announcement" that I'm a winner:

I've studied the websites
And checked all the blogs
is for sorry old dogs

Who think they are winning
A prize for their work
When people behind it
Know you're a jerk

For paying the money
So they can get rich
On poor, hopeful writers
Who don't want to snitch

I have just a question,
I'll make it contrite-
Tell me, just how do you
Sleep well each night????

At 9:35 PM, Blogger James Goodman said...

That my friend, is a thing of beauty. I hope they burn in hell...

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