Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

The Weekend Rents

Ok, so I am running a little behind. I was going to present my reviews of the weekend rents first thing this morning, but Sunday turned out to be a very non-productive day. Maybe it was the weather, maybe I am finally succumbing to the cold that I have been fending off for about a week or maybe it had something to do with the amount of Peroni I imbibed on Saturday night. In my defense, I kept asking for a Moretti but the waiter kept telling me it would be a few more minutes before they were ready to serve. What were they brewing it themselves in the back room? Put those babies on some ice and send them my way.
With the exception of ordering the only one of some 300 beers that wasn’t available, the rest of the evening was a good time. Great food and great company, always a winning combination. We talked books, blogs, writing, comics, and movies, which made me happier than a pig in… Well, let’s just say I enjoyed myself. I topped off the evening by watching Arturo Gatti put the smack down on James Leija.
As for the rents, I started to only review two of them because I really couldn’t think of more than a couple of nice things to say about one of them. Momma always said: “Stupid is as…” Oh, wait wrong quote. Try this one: “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But where’s the fun in that?
The first out of the box this weekend was CATWOMAN. Not even Halle Berry in a skimpy leather outfit was enough to save this movie. To their credit, they took a chance and deviated from the established character, but they decided to take dialogue lessons from the early batman series. Cheesy banter and cheesier clichés, made this movie almost unbearable. They were very generous with the special effects and the fight scenes were fantastic. In fact, when I re-watched the movie with the mute button on, I rather enjoyed it. It was visually pleasing, but the chat of the cat was offensive to my ears. It wasn’t as bad as say, Dracula 3000, but I won’t be watching it, well, a third time as it were.
Next up to bat was Man on Fire. Denzel Washington plays the single most ruthless former soldier/bodyguard I think I have ever seen. The depths that he goes to while avenging the death of a little girl make me proud to be an American. All kidding aside, this movie rocked. The scene with the Presidente del Hermanidad alone was worth the price of the rental. If you are in to happy endings skip this movie and go to that massage parlor on west 42nd street. Seriously though, without saying too much the ending is bitter sweet. I will be adding this one to my personal collection. Watch it, share it with loved ones, and just thank your lucky stars you aren’t in a wealthy family that resides in Juarez. Unless of course, you are a member of such a family, in which case I highly recommend that you hire an alcoholic ex-spec ops vet for your bodyguard. He might not be able to prevent you from getting kidnapped and/or killed, but he sure knows how to make them pay for their deeds if they do.
We wrapped up the weekend rentals with Resident Evil: Apocalypse. This visually stunning homage to the video game of the same name packs a punch. The special effects were out of this world and the storyline flowed like the T-Virus through a graveyard. Action packed and heartwarming, this movie had it all. Of course, my wife hated it and my son kept peeking his head around the staircase and asking: “Aren’t they supposed to be in a mall?” Clearly, he has watched more than one zombie movie from that vantage point, much to my chagrin. And the whole time, I thought he was upstairs watching 28 Days Later. At least he didn’t ask why they weren’t at the Winchester. If you like Zombie movies with great special effects, you will like this movie. If not, you may find yourself doing the crossword puzzle instead. Yes, that is what my wife did in lieu of watching the movie. Well, in between taking potshots at various scenes in the movie she felt were unusually trite.

2 Comments:

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