Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

The Gauntlet has Been Tossed

I have been a bit of a prankster for as long as I can remember. My pranks don’t always go through as planned, but they are usually quite funny (to me at least). Most of them are harmless, having only a high aggravation factor. Here is a list of some of my favorites in no particular order:
1. Monday Morning office assault. Sneak into a co-workers office before they arrive and apply liberal amounts of Scotch-tape to strategic items on and around their desk. Put tape over the ball of their mouse and a small paper clip under their left mouse button. Disconnect their Ethernet connection from the wall jack but leave it in far enough that it looks like it is still hooked up. Place a single piece of Scotch tape on the telephone receiver to secure it to it’s stand on one end. Crank the volume on their speakers to max. When they come in on Monday morning, the first thing they will do is fire up their computer. The mouse prank is the easiest to spot at this point, followed shortly by the blast of noise that spouts from their speakers. Once they get logged on, they realize that they can’t connect to the network (this is a fairly common occurrence in my office) so they grab the phone to call IT. Since the receiver is connected to the heavy base, they both come crashing down on their desk. It is a great way to start a work week.
2. Wait until an unsuspecting co-worker goes to the restroom for an after lunch visit. Once you are sure they will be there for a while, kill the power to the entire bathroom. As we have no windows, they find themselves in quite the pickle. Of course, it is a good it is a good way to find out the answer to an age-old question: How does a blind man know when he has completed the paper work.
3. Put anti-seize into the headbands of your entire crews hardhats. They won’t notice anything amiss until they start sweating. This one is usually received badly. Apparently the gray goo is a bugger to get off your skin.
4. I have super-glued quarters to the floor in almost every hall/bathroom in our entire company.
5. I have put peanut butter on Toilet paper and left it on the floor in front of the stall and I left one of these little beauties on the edge of the sink.
6. Of course, I have applied liberal amounts of stickers to hardhats, jackets, shirts etc. But, I have also went so far as to make up bumper stickers that were custom made to reflect the one thing in this world that would embarrass the receiver most.7. I have tricked co-workers into using the intercom thinking they were talking to a real person. I have conferenced phone calls with their significant others into a PA system. That one nearly got me fired.
8. For my most homophobic co-workers, I have paged/called them and had them call the Gay and Lesbian Support Hotline. Oddly enough it still didn’t help open up their minds.
9. I have gotten into their cars and turned on the windshield wipers, cranked up the radio, set their emergency brake, and pushed their seat all of the way up/back.
10. My most common prank is the sudden noise/movement. I often find co-workers so engrossed with their work that they have no idea that I am in the room with them. Yeah, they figure it out pretty fast. You would be surprised what kind of things gets thrown into the air if you scare someone bad enough. I am also a big fan of banging on doors/walls when people are expecting a little peace and quiet.
Now don’t get me wrong, this has never been a one sided affair. I have gotten almost as much as I have gave. I was just sharing some the favorites from my personal repertoire. What does this have to do with the price of tea in china, you ask? Apparently there is a pen floating around the office that is more than what it seems. When you press the clicker on the end to use it, it delivers an electrical shock that is almost enough to make you wet yourself. Yes, it did indeed surprise me and no I didn’t scream like a four-year-old girl, contrary to popular belief.
This does mean that the gloves are off. I will be wiring a nice little surprise into the urinal as soon as everyone leaves for the night. Then we will see who has the last laugh. I will be using a car battery so the jolt should be akin to peeing on an electric fence.


At 7:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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