Rants, Raves, & Random Thoughts

Shameless self-promotion of my writing skills or lack there of.

Monday, January 17, 2005

The Rest of the Rents

It has been brought to my attention that I still owe the blog a couple of movie reviews from my rentals over the weekend. These are merely in the order that I watched them and in no way reflective of how they ranked in my overall viewing experience. Ahem, drum roll please.

Selection #1: Dodgeball

A heart-warming tale that pits the owner of a multi-million dollar gym (Ben Stiller) against the lovable, yet depressingly broke, owner of a dilapidated gym across the street (Vince Vaughn). It would appear that all hope is lost for Average Joe’s Gym until they realize that they can earn the money to save their gym by playing dodge ball. Yes, that mighty sport from the playgrounds of our memories. It is a sport that shaped heroes and shamed the weak. Will the weak overcome the strong this time and win one for the masses (or at least the ones that had their confidence shattered in the 3rd grade)? You will just have to watch it and see.

Bonus: If you do watch this movie, be sure to sit through the closing credits or you will miss Ben Stiller sporting huge man-breasts and singing: “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.” That alone was worth the price of admission. Err… at least the price of the rental.

Selection #2: The Girl Next Door

I rented this movie expecting another movie about teen angst in the tradition of American Pie or (Wow, they all seem to be blurring together now) any number of movies along those lines. Boy, was I wrong; it was a movie about teen angst in the tradition of Risky Business. So much so, that my wife and have officially declared this the ’04 remake of the movie that sent Tom into stardom. They major differences being that Tom Cruise got into trouble by falling for a hooker and was subsequently taught a lesson by her pimp. Emile Hirsch got into trouble falling for a porn star and was subsequently taught a lesson by her producer.

I don’t want to sound too harsh, because I actually did enjoy the movie. It was funny, yet carried a serious message, and tugged at the heartstrings in all the right places. It just, well, shared several amazing similarities with Risky Business. In short, I was glad I rented it, because I would have felt a little cheated if I saw this one in the theaters.

Selection #3: The Chronicles of Riddick

This movie takes place several years after Pitch Black. The last surviving Furion, Riddick (Vin Diesel) arrives on the planet New Mecca to find the man responsible for putting a huge bounty on his head. The story takes a drastic turn when he discovers that the bounty was put there because he was needed to save the world, nay, the entire universe from the invading armies of the Necromongers.

This was one of the most visually stimulating movies that I have watched in a long time. The special effects and attention to even the most minute of details, guarantees that I will watch this one again, if for no other reason than to see what I missed in the background the first time around. What this movie lacks in original plot, it certainly makes up for with “in your face” action. If you are a Sci-Fi lover, you will love this movie, plain and simple.

So there you have it; I exposed myself to: Zombies with a moral undertone, space vampires from the planet Comptonia, average Joes turned dodge ball legends, porn star prom dates, and last but not least a criminal that saves the universe. All in all, it was not a bad way to spend an evening (or two).

Be sure to tune in next week when I review Freakazoids from the Planet Whazupia. It is a epic tale about a group of space vampires that challenge a group of average zombies to a game of hide and seek, but inadvertently free a race of pornmongers bent on the destruction of the universe. One man has the power to stop the invasion, but he throws a send off party in Comptonia and in the words of Dr. Hook: “He got stoned and he missed it.”


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